Cloudy

I start to walk away from the naked ambivalence
aggressively mounting upon itself, in implosions
of codependent rage & anguish; an ungodly art,
mushroom clouds in my heart…
mushroom clouds in my heart.

I begin to let it out, in bits and then all at once.
The fear of falling apart overshadowed in intense
bickering to not let the walls of inert facades down,
lest my truths be hastily oust; lest, in it, I shall drown.

I dare not look back at the billowing nostalgia still.
So I keep on, as it drizzles over, in this radioactive
homesickness & yet I keep greedily gulping in hard,
the petrichor as it lays with this broken promise boulevard.

Rogue laughters of past, give chase from trailing nimbuses
like lightning strikes upon my psyche, leaving thin bruises
anew, to go with the ones from tripping on vague rebounds,
as gentle reminders of what could’ve been and what’s to come.

I seek no shade nor refuge, for I always am gloriously at peace
in storms, in flooded heads, & in subtle hails of reminiscence,
for, perhaps, I have remained both willingly & helplessly infatuated
with a serenity in droplets of pain hitting a reverberating conscience.

The more intense it gets, the more I feel at home. More in my zone
than a junky with a rusty needle, than a toddler falling out a window,
as the downpour of all who I had ever been descends to haunt now
the shells of hollow imposters theirs, I dare aspire ending up, somehow.

It slowly starts getting numb… all of it, as it does, perpetually
and I stop to admire a random memory I happen upon
and I keep watching it until I lose it in the overpowering hearth
of succumbance to sleep, with mushroom clouds still in my heart.