induced insomnia

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when your dreams chase you each night,
the ones that you’ve always had but never owned
the ones that turned into nightmares you fight
what do you do when they come visiting, the ashes you’ve sown?

where‘d you swim to when your own thoughts drown you in your sleep?
breathing, feeling breathless; how’d you bear listening to your breath?
music fails you, books won’t open up, words desert and voids become your worlds
all your quills keep running out of ink before you could write a word…

how do you escape yourself when you know it’s you…
from empty journals with impressions of songs from torn out pages
haunting forever, returning as dreams you fall into…
that never let go, digging graves for themselves on your lips, for ages?

know what you’d do? you’d want to stop them… all of them
before they’re born, right inside you, in your head.
& bury ’em whence they can’t crawl out; as if you had the power!
so naive, so ignorant; we were all fools breeding our deaths inside our heads.

yet we tried, didn’t we? & kept trying too,
attempting foeticide of our children from affairs with pain:
dreams, we wished, our entire lives, would come true,
dreams we wish, the rest of our lives, be gone.

But we did it, now we know how to evade them…
how to let the voids settle and the pain feel at home;
to make allies with our conscience and give up battles
we know we’d be fighting alone… with ourselves.

the trick is to never have them, don’t let them be born
for once they do, they’d consume you
till you’re done and all but torn;
so the trick to not dream is to not fall asleep; learn to.

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