Always.

Lost I was, betrayed by my shadows
branded evil by the crosses of the “righteous”
how could they know what I had to let go
& that I was robbed of things worth a million lifetimes.
I was just a boy who was lost, knowing not that I was
just a tiny little boy growing up with a broken marriage.
Having very little that could resemble family; there was
nothing I wouldn’t do to have attention, to feel important.
Then I found her, on a meadow, like a dream
a dream so real, I wondered if it could be mine
but she knew I was real because she kept staring at me
& I saw something in her eyes, something that’d rhyme with pity.
And I instantly fell for her, like an auburn leaf in the autumn sun
slowly, reluctantly, uncontrollably… I was pulled to her
& she became my earth, holding hands with me, lying under that tree.
Almost as if she knew I needed care, her words kissed my psyche.
But I was right, in a way, and it was all actually a dream
a dream that fell apart when she fell for him
and I was, once more, a greyed out face in the background,
a ghosted silhouette, a muffled voice; forgotten, as is usual, again.
And I am constantly blamed for what happened to me
and then for all that happened to her and maybe
I am guilty… maybe I am responsible, I didn’t know
I was lost and I am so sorry but I didn’t know… I DIDN’T KNOW!
I didn’t know that I would be a part, a puppet in her murder
but I don’t plead innocence. I deserve what I got.
But watching her lie there, motionless, lifeless
I regretted being alive, breathing from a wind that can’t be her breath.
I was lost, once again, purposeless in life, lost to time
cradling her in my arms, crying like the baby… her baby
watching me but it was lucky for not knowing a reason for its tears
rolling down from eyes that were just like hers.
It tore my heart, if it existed, filled it with emptiness
but I found my purpose to live; revenge.
To murder, as he begs, her murderer; to avenge.
I knew I had to let her go like I always have.
But, I wish that she knew that each breath
I drew since that moment was in her name &
my love for her and my debt for her death.
So I would live, for seventeen years, barely alive.
I lived under disguise… I lived a lie
labelled a coward, a liar, a murderer,
by all people I cared and respected,
but it never mattered for I knew what I lived for.
And in this, I became the very man I was after.
I murdered friends, hurt children, let innocents die,
all for my own vendetta but I did not feel a thing
because I already housed all hatred that I could for myself.
But when the day came, I didn’t stutter, I didn’t fear
I played my part in what was a play for his death,
just like I was made to, in hers… and I did ensure
it brought him down, even if it was with my own death.
Born a loner, died a loner, not a tear to have wept for
but I gave him, her son, a single drop of mine, on that last day
so my story… my love for her wouldn’t die with me,
for after all that time, I loved her still and I will… always.

Snape entry - HP7
The Half Blood Prince
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