Don’t we all come up with extraordinary stories to cover for our guilt from ourselves, wronging again, the ones we’ve wronged, in our heads this time, casting them as villains in the story this time, the villains that actually are us just so our conscience lets us sleep at nights without nightmares of self-loathing and disgust when its not actually making peace but a blasphemy against ourselves, that we’re not forgiving ourselves but giving an excuse for having done it yet again, that actually, we are monsters we blame them to be, that we’re scared of ourselves, of living with ourselves after realizing that no matter how brilliant our lies may get, no matter how realistic our masks be fit, we can’t fool ourselves forever and one day we’ll have to face the fury of what we’ve been hiding behind all those masks, hiding deep within us, that would then erupt agelessly until we are but ashes and that is the day, my daisy, we begin to die. . . lie by lie; our lies eating us alive and then, when we actually understand the meaning of all the words we’ve been using to describe it all, that will also be the day realize that, for us, they’ve lost their meaning forever and even a mention of those words from anyone ever again will only remind us of the fiends that we are and then the only thing we can feel human, and not humane, about is the fact that we’ve actually let ourselves embrace all the demons that we are and apologies shy away from us so bad that we can’t ask for forgiveness even from ourselves.
Don’t betray yourself, spare yourself the pain.
Know & accept what you’ve done, what you’ve become.
Apologize if you can, to yourself too.
yes, it’ll be hell when you do it first but at least you’ll reach there familiarized when you finally do.